家里的小朋友马上三岁了

从一个肉嘟嘟的”摆件“变成了有话语权的家庭成员

每天咿咿呀呀发表意见表达情感

会说“妈妈这件毛衣不好看”

会说“我老了”

早晨进幼儿园前还回头嘱咐爸爸“爸爸要帮我买带巧克力的麦片”

作为妈妈看到孩子的成长无比欣慰

知道自己看他的眼神一定流露着满满的爱意

而作为一个个体

是庆幸自己有了一个新朋友一般

是开始真正的认识另一个个体

从此不单是摸摸他肉肉的脸颊，试试他背上的温度

而是从日益增加的互动中

慢慢走进他的内心

去了解他

去陪伴和见证他走出的每一步

真的像朋友一样

（马上“三岁的妈妈”写给自己和马上三岁的Chenchen）

每个妈妈从受孕成功的时刻就开始了和孩子相伴

日日夜夜 见证生命的发展 是最美最震撼的经历 

相伴 很多形式 很多方面

一起得了手足口 是不是十分新鲜 ：P

当妈妈的表示一开始很惶恐 后来觉得很庆幸 

现在手上还有和孩子一样留下的印记

陪孩子一起感受病痛 

亲身感知不太会说话和表达的孩子承受的一切

踏实

带着感恩的心 勇敢的迎接一个妈妈要面对的所有

当纤弱的小手大过自己的手

当稚气的笑容变得自信却依旧阳光纯真

有两个心 都日益丰富 都充满爱和温暖

This is about Mama flying back home last Friday.

I imagined what it would like my dad waiting for her at the airport and how they might both feel when seeing each other. Would there be a great sense of accomplishment after a new and challenging grow-up phase at their 60s? I was sure that my dad must have been quite proud of Mama. You know the moment we became parents they became grandparents. Also brand new role and brand new phase of the life. In our case that we live abroad, the task of helping take care of the baby has been especially difficult for them. Mixed with the great joy of seeing their cute grandson grow up day by day is exhaustion from taking care of everything, homesickness from being 8000 km away from home and separating from each other for months (which had not happened even when they had been young), and unfamiliarity in this foreign country in Europe.

I imagined this one day in the future (I’ve no idea when and how far it would be, probably at my 60s as well), when I had overcome similar difficulties in our life, and Lele was picking me up at the airport, he’d be that proud of my as well, as he’d been in the advent of every new phase of our life.

So what exactly do I want to express? Deep gratitude to my parents for everything, satisfactory and thankful feelings for our life so far, great anticipation for our life in the future, I guess. Could be more that is hard to describe. This is natural, right? ^_^

Before I started to work on this blog as an update, I actually only wanted to say: when something has been bothering you and makes you feel real bad, if only we could just dump it on a piece of paper (or in this very modern world, on a webpage like what I'm doing right now), then it is gone forever. No bitter coming-back memories. No trauma, no damage done. Volia, like a pure clean new page

Eventually, this is obviously not how it works in real life. At least never in my life. I'm carrying a heavy heart. It's good and bad. I can live with it anyway ^_^.

Here follows what I HAVE TO say, as this is an update after a long time. 

First, what I did during this time. Quite important, and I think right now even writing about it cheers me up a bit :P. Yes I, more precisely we, Lele and I, have welcomed a new cute member to our family. Chenchen, it is. 

After the birth of Chenchen, my body recovered quickly and soon got back to what it used to be (I think so :P). What I really had to face with were those huge changes in my life. From mostly only taking care of myself to having to take care of a little weak baby who is really depending on me. Very few time and space left for myself. From a working lady with somewhat (:P) career to a housewife-like figure. Waking up in the morning, I was not thinking about my working tasks for today. Everything about the baby, from top to bottom, filled my head up. I was not having my working calendar with me. Instead, I was taking notes of the baby's schedule (when he had meals, when he pooped). For a long time, I only wore slippers everyday. Yes I could have a sweater with baby spillings on me for a week. 

How could I have stood these changes? ^_^ I haven't mentioned what have come along with the changes. It is first of all the baby himself. The most wonderful gift of my life. And the joy and happyness he has brought to us. When you have got such a great chance to witness a human being growing up, I mean, you are on this front seat, and you are so closely involved, you are just so grateful that you don't even notice those changes which could have bothered you a lot. It is such a mysterious process. And the benefits are not just mental-wise :P. You really get to hug the baby, touch him, and tease him. It is the most sweet experience. However hard ice you have in your heart, it is melting.

Now I've come back to work. Admittedly, I was a bit nervous at the very beginning, worrying that getting used to working could be quite difficult for me after a one-year-plus maternity leave, that I couldn't really achieve as much as I used to, that my old high performance wouldn't be back with me. Well, it turned out to be quite OK. Surely I've actually done plenty of preparation already. I completed a post-doc proposal right before coming back, which, was not really motivated by my own ambition, but was to make my boss happy. Goal accomplished, it seems.To me, I just took it as a helpful warming-up activity. In addition, I was in fact never really totally away from work. Taking care of small research-related errands (presentations for conference, inputs to papers and book chapters), working real hard to finish the final steps of my Ph. D. Oh right, I now have a title, Dr. Ing. It took great effort, like a long-haul battle. Seldom fierce but there had been occasions when I did feel worn out. Interestingly it had never been my target, like there are people who just aim at a degree. I just took it as a job, doesn't matter I truly like it or not. I've been good at it and I've been making a living with it. Fair enough.

Apart from all these, I do believe that I've become braver. Because I've experienced the most difficult things, giving birth to a baby and being raising him up. The pain, the concern, the responsibility...it is hard to describe. It's like, after you've done all of these, there's nothing you cannot do. When you're worried it could be stressful at work, you should know at least you could always negotiate, with your colleagues, with you boss. You can never do that with a baby. When he is hungary, you must feed him immediately. When it is time to change his diaper, you are on it righ away. When he is tired and sleepy but cannot fall in asleep himself, crying, hard, you spend no effort to lull him to asleep, even if you yourself also need a rest and some peace. After such a year that could be labelled "non-negotiable" perhaps :P, I feel stronger. Not just I can carry my 12-kilo baby single-handed ^_^. I feel strong inside. I'm a proud mama who has a beautiful child and a happy family. 

People like to make comparisons quite spontaneously. I did cannot stop paying a bit attention to what my colleagues had achieved at work while I was away, say, how many paper they had published. Looking back at myself, wow, I had raised a baby from 3.2 kilo to 12 kino (I'd say from this big to this big with gestures if I had been telling you in person, and you would have felt how proud I had been). Isn't it just wonderful? I take it as very significant achievement. 

Well, time to pick up Chenchen from Kita. Let's stop here. I wanted to call this a brief update when writing the subject. Hohoho. Don't blame me. I've been summarizing two whole years ^_^.

看了这标题，你也许基本断定：嗨，又是个因为马上三十内心惶恐不已急需倾诉的主儿

其实我是真的隐隐担心脸上越来越明显的细纹，是真的感觉到不像二十左右那样精力充沛很容易找到嗨的理由，也真的开始意识到是到时候担起更多人生的角色

也确实是我，已经吆喝了一年多：三十那年生日姐要大礼物，而小哥儿你这一年都要做牛做马小心伺候着

嘿嘿，这劲儿……自己都想捂嘴笑

但这里要说的倒不是这些啦

也不想来些空话，比如说希望看到自己成长

而是实实在在的给自己支个招

怎样能更平和，就像心里没有那些棱角一样，减少负面的情绪，我想将心比心很重要

人和人的不同（包括性格本身，位置，人生阶段等等）会造成想法和处事方法的不一致

别急着去反驳去批判甚至去对着干，心里都是怨念和不痛快，试着易地而处，如果自己是他/她……

真的是理解万岁呢

我的爷爷不识字。我还咿呀学语的时候他已经是八十多岁的老人了，脑萎缩让他很多时候意识不清晰，所以我印象中都记不得和爷爷有过完整的对话。很多关于爷爷的事情和爷爷说过的话都是听爸爸讲的。

爸爸说，爷爷常常说”吃亏就是沾光，沾光就是吃亏”。这句话在这些年里一直留在我的脑海里，并没有专门去体味。但有一些时候，那些因为处事待人或者别人待己有挣扎和纠结的时候，是这句话给了我带来内心的平静。

我想，如果试着去翻阅名人名言，其中应该会有意思类似但更富文采的表达。在爷爷口中，就是这样简单平凡的一句话，却闪烁着智慧的光芒。

午饭时候给乐乐说昨天收到Lulu的一条问候的留言。他说就是嘛，应该多多联系，常常问问曾经的姐妹们的近况。这货还扬言登录我的QQ去留言呢，嘎嘎

其实，其实……

请原谅我的不善表达，也请相信你们都在我的心里，那里有我们一起走过的时光，也有对我们所有人日子越过越好的祝福

时间，地域，还有生活本身，都好像在我们拉得很远。有些俗套和自我安慰的说法是"我们的心还在一起"，但现实一点我都不敢说出口却是"天下没有不散的筵席"吧

但谁说朋友就是要一辈子在身边，一辈子都是对方生活的一部分呢。更多的是感恩曾经的相互陪伴和扶持，一切安好的时候互相感到欣慰，准备着如果朋友有需要就尽自己所能去帮助

当然啦，每每收到远方的朋友们一句问候，都真的觉得温暖。所以，既然心里有，就自然而然的去表达吧。想来感情上也没有那么多"善于"和"不善"的说法，不是算数，也不是头大的写作文，哈哈

想你们了，我就喊你们~~~

哈哈，真是忙里偷闲来叽叽咕咕一下

一路听歌，从没有walkman的时代到一只笨重的爱华在手，从爱不释手的红色随身CD机到拥有的第一个只有16 MB、只容得下五首小歌的MP3……真的去回忆一下的话，当然要提一下曾经亲爱的小绿IPOD二代，真心是几年都不离身呢，4 GB的空间装满了每个阶段喜欢的歌，最后想放进去新歌都舍不得删除任何一首腾出空儿，纠结着呢

倒是现在，常驻办公室坐拥好几个电脑啊平板啊智能手机的我们让听歌专用工具们都闲置了，乐乐正面银灰色反面镜面的小IPOD如此帅气，现在躺在车里的某个小角落，长途旅行才会连接车里的音响用一用

不过哩，歌真心没有断了听，现在主要是在线了。其实挺喜欢国内各大音乐网站，各种分类，各种歌单，资源充足的很，可惜从国外用网速不行呀，前段时间虾米用的顺手，速度大多数时候可以接受，有时候看到有些专辑或者乐手页面下面个别网友的评论也有很有共鸣的感觉。遗憾的是虾米也不给我们用了哇，还好发现youtube上有很多album，至少欧美歌手的greatest hits还都有的

其实一直一来不是特别看得上美国流行音乐，是有很多长居各大榜首的有名又有气氛的歌，但总觉得不走心。走心的感觉不好形容，是有些华语歌，和很多有才的英国歌手或者乐队给的感觉。偶尔也有北欧啊爱尔兰的音乐人惊艳一下。不过气氛有时候也重要啦，尤其是对于我的office music，比起动感情，更需要单纯的被带动一下，是对工作环境和心境的一种调节。比如你觉得自己在僻静的异国小村里做着平凡又有点小迷茫的工作，听听像是日日、贾老板，眼睛里好像映进来了电视电影一样美国大都市的繁华，倒不是真正的向往和艳羡，只是不同，有了改变一样，你开始觉得手下键盘噼里啪啦的声音变得积极带劲儿

记得刚刚时兴校内网的时候，填写profile，写下几个当时喜欢的华语和欧美的歌手，现在中意的恐怕数不过来啦

不敢说是一直受着音乐的熏陶、浸在了音乐的世界里，但是对于音乐给生活增添的色彩无限感恩。不知道结缘于何时，哈哈，是我哭着抗拒练习大提琴的时候就开始了么？

Cheddar 这样的cheese？貌似杰瑞鼠最爱吆

cod 鳕鱼，据说是长这样子滴 ，记得肯德基深海鳕鱼堡咩  老外应该比较少整条鱼serve吧哈，应该是filet上来

mussels 哈哈“官方”解释是“贻贝，蚌类”，上图先，没错，这就是我们常常在kaufland买的我们叫做的“螺”的东东

perch 鲈鱼，很有辨识度的样子嘛

plaice 比目鱼 ，这个让我想到小鲳鱼，小时候不爱吃清蒸鱼，就爱吃重口的红烧鱼，哈哈，妈妈妈总说小鲳鱼很新鲜，最适合清蒸啊。说到这里偏题一下吧，这些年对于小时候在家吃饭挑三拣四无限后悔哇……

seafruit 这个呢我的理解是海鲜大杂烩，哈哈，有小小的虾仁，小小的鱿鱼须/圈儿，小小的贝壳肉，小小的……话说德语的对应词也常常出现在德国饭店的菜单上 - Meeresfrüchte，比如我们门口的bravo批萨店就有这样的批萨

shell fish 贝壳呀贝壳 ，小时候跟妈妈妈叫它花蛤（ga，二声，我们这样念，霍霍），辣炒花蛤，很爱吆

trout 鳟鱼呀，，是滴，这就是常常出现在影视音乐以及文学作品里的鳟鱼呀，卡通形象也多多的说，不过大都塑造的凶巴巴加贪婪的样子，嗨嗨

veal 小牛肉，加油记住吧，这个出现几率还蛮高的

那，各鱼的德语是虾米呢，为了方便我们从超市冷柜里把它们找出来 - 

cod - der Kabeljau (喔喔，这个是不是最常见的那种)

perch - der Barsch

plaice - die Scholle (我们在kaufland冷藏柜里买到过，貌似也算常见，新鲜的呢哈)

trout - die Forele (这个是不是也眼熟呢 ^_^)

最后呢也贴上剩下的一些我们都认识和熟悉的词吧：

beef
brandy
burger
chicken
chips (BE), French Fries (AE)
chop
cod
cognac
crab
crabs
fish
Fish and chips （英国烂大街的特产呀）
ham
Irish Whiskey
jacket/baked potato
lamb
liver
lobster
mashed potatoes
meatloaf （一条面包样子的肉卷子，嘎嘎）
oysters
pie
pork
prawn
salmon
Single Malt Scotch (Whisky)
steak
turkey